Why?
by Hetalian Miss
Summary: Why was it never me? Why? I own nothing but my OC Nyoka, AKA the narrator, and her thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

Why?

A/N: I have nothing against Jerlita romance or Aelita. This is merely written on a whim from my OC`s point of view.

Why?

Why could he not see how I loved him? If he wasn`t fawning over Aelita, he was at the computer. Aelita and Yumi are loved. They have Odd and Ulrich. I am not; I have no one. I need someone in my life, someone who understands, someone who can help me. But would he ever see what I felt, my heart`s desire? After all, I was a wolf in sheep`s clothing; a mere pawn, an assassin. But I had not counted on love.

I had no programming for this emotion called 'love', yet I was consumed in its heat, swallowed alive by the rapture and thrill. It was strange, unknown. It was like a drug. I would follow him if he went to work on the super computer just to be close to him. Yet he ignored me.

I could make him notice. I could make him love me. But that would mean selling him to XANA. Never. I would never give up my angel, my love, my heart. But why can`t it be me? Why can`t he yearn to be close to me? Why can`t he wish to kiss me, hold me, stroke my hair? Does he truly not know how badly I pine for him, for his love, his affections? Or does he know what I am? Does he know I am of XANA? Does he think I am evil? No, he would have forced me away if he thought that.

But then why does he ignore me? He would push me over if it meant a chance to see Aelita. It burns like acid to see him run to my oldest friend, to know how badly he wants her while I pine for him.

At the same time, I feel a petty jealousy and anger to Aelita. It wasn`t fair! She got his attention while I was cast aside like garbage, like nothing. I felt betrayed. Jeremie, my sweet angel, my innocent love, was pining for my friend who had no such emotions for him. She confessed in me that she had feelings for Odd, and she even found Jeremie`s advances annoying.

How hard it was to refrain from backhanding her! How dare she? She has my sweet Jeremie spellbound, yet finds him a nuisance! I have considered telling him, to let him know what she thinks, but I can`t shatter his fragile heart. She is the apple of his eye, a position I so dearly desire. The position is unattainable, impossble to reach.

I am left in the dark, wishing, wishing my darling Jeremie will one day see she has no such affection for him, for him to discover my love, for him to welcome me with open arms. That day will come.

It has to.


	2. Chapter 2

How?

Disclaimer: Nothing but Nyoka.

A/N: Again, nothing against Jerlita or Aelita.

(Jeremie`s POV)

How?

How could this have happened? How could Aelita have fallen for one of my best friends? How could Odd have betrayed me like this? But I must smile to them, tell them I`m happy for them as my heart silently shatters. It just wasn`t fair. I`d worked tirelessly to free Aelita, a labor of love, and Odd takes her from me. But I cannot change it. They are in love, and I need to allow it.

So this is how heartbreak feels. It`s not pleasant in the slightest. You feel alone in the world: cold, numb, broken. And most of all, lonely. I will have to move on. But the thought of Aelita still haunts me: her enchanting voice, her musical laugh, her bright smile. She was perfection.

But maybe...just maybe there IS another girl that could replace her. Maybe Nyoka?...I had developed a certain affection for her. I had always written it off, saying I wanted Aelita. Now she was taken, allowing me to try to be with Nyoka.

I just hope she`ll accept me.

(Nyoka`s POV)

How?

How could Aelita be so insensitive? She merely walks up to Jeremie and bluntly tells him she does not love him; she loves Odd. My desire to backhand her grew stronger, seeing the hidden sadness and pain on my beloved`s face. The girl did worse than break his heart; she tore it out, threw it on the floor, and ground it to dust.

She was his universe, his love, his soul, his life.

Her, not me. My childish envy grows stronger.

How could she do this to him? How could I help? How will things be from now on? Will this change anything?

I know how to deal with my pain: I use art. I sing, play guitar, write songs, draw, paint, and sculpt my feelings. Jeremie...he usually just retreats to the solitude of his room.

It tears at my heart to see him so broken, so sad, so dull, so lifeless. It`s as if he`s lost his ability to feel, numb and cold to the world.

_I will always love you, Jeremie. _I think, wishing he could hear me, hear the words I`m not ready to say aloud:

_I love you._


End file.
